LOS ANGLES, CA — Following a series of flash mob thefts plaguing the City of Angels, Mayor Karen “Huggins” Bass announced her novel solution: “Criminals, Cookies, and Cuddles”. Instead of arraignment, a thief will be ushered directly to Huggins for snack time, a hug, and…
HOLLYWEIRD, CA — After suffering severe backlash and mocking for ditching Prince Charming from their upcoming "Snow White" live-action remake, Disney reintroduced and reimagined him "2023 Disney-style". Charming is now Prince Pervy – a woman-hating incel rapist serial killer with a disturbing desire for passive…
PALM BEACH, FL — After extensively investigating Trump's tweets, special counsel Jack Smith is now focusing on the former President's Twitter memes. "Our goal is to delve deep into Trump's psyche using advanced psychoanalysis," stated assistant prosecutor Lexi Luper. "Playful cats and Baby Yoda memes…
PALM BEACH, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump once again graced a courtroom at 104 years of age. He wheeled into court sporting his iconic "Indictment 1000" tie that's been flying off shelves faster than Elon Musk tickets to Mars. Some pundits stated that…
BOCA CHICA, TX — In a move that surprised everyone, Elon Musk rebranded Twitter to 'X' and updated its' tagline from 'Let's Talk' to 'Blaze Your Glory'. For many, the new slogan seemed religious. In fact, Musk revealed today that 'X' will be the social…
WORLD — Shortly after the recent "Barbie'' blockbuster demeaningly depicted dudes as dim-witted domineering dolts, dissent was declared. Men around the globe tossed their wrenches and work gloves aside to passively protest. Garbage is piling up, sewers are clogging, and air conditioners are choking in…
IRVINE, CA — Fast-food giant Taco Bell is taking a sizzling approach to marketing in the fast-food industry. The "Branded for Burritos" promo offers Taco Bell's most loyal customers free tacos for life, but only if they agree to be hot-iron branded with Taco Bell's…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sparking intrigue from his congressional peers, Senator Chuck Schumer made an unexpected departure from boring political discourse into the realm of science fiction. The longstanding Democrat unveiled a wild piece of legislation requesting hearings on Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) and other extraterrestrial…
ATLANTA, GA – In an absurd twist of fate, a dyslexic man seeking an outlet for his frustration inadvertently traded the underground thrill of 'Fight Club' for the skyward adventures of a 'Flight Club.' Meet Terrel Adeyemi, a quick-tempered yet hard-working individual whose dyslexia led him…
