'Bong Voyage' to Drunken Airline Unruliness with Mile-High Marijuana

Man laughing on airplan in a cloudy haze of cannabis smoke.

FORT WORTH, TX — Airlines are swapping mini alcohol bottles for marijuana to prevent unruly drunk passengers. This decision was sparked by a recent uptick in drunken incidents aboard flights, leading airline CEOs to brainstorm innovative solutions. Their epiphany: replace the turbulence of alcohol with the mellow haze of cannabis.

"This is a rad moment for the aviation industry," enthused SkyHigh Airlines CEO Mary Jane McCloud while puffing on a bong during a press conference. “'Fasten your seatbelts’' will be replaced with 'Fire up that fatty!'" Although the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) already complained that the phrase is fat-phobic.

A recent survey revealed most passengers prefer marijuana's calming effect to “alcohol a-hole syndrome”. "Just chill" stated frequent flyer and self-proclaimed 'Canna-bassador' Chad Greenleaf. 

The new policy is not without challenges. Foremostly, there’s a smoking ban on airplanes. McCloud retorted, “No problem. We have high-paid lobbyists overturning that regulation. Besides, there'll be dedicated 'Puff Zones'. So no toking for tots.”

Another unforeseen issue has been a munchies epidemic. In-flight snacks are depleting at unprecedented levels. As a result, airlines are upscaling their food service. New items include 'Mile-High Brownies' and 'Cannabis Cookies' – which have made the problem worse.

The consensus among passengers has been positive. “Who needs Wi-Fi when there’s High-Fi?” chuckled retiree Doris Stone, a first-time marijuana user, as she munched on a fourth bag of pretzels.

Flight attendant Rick Servent stated the change has made his job easier. “Drunk passengers were a nightmare. Stoners just want to debate whether the plane is flying or we're imagining it."

Are we at the beginning of a new chilled-out era in aviation? Next time you board a plane don’t be surprised if the airline staff greets you with "Have a high flight!"