Musk Takes Complete Ownership of Letter 'X'; Plans to Charge Fee For ALL Use!

Elon Musk wearing a crown against a Van-Gogh stylized painting of blocks with dollar sign and a large letter 'X'.

BOCA CHICA, TX — Elon Musk, renowned Space X founder and brainchild behind Tesla is boldly rebranding Twitter into a concise single letter. Just as the artist Prince transformed into an unpronounceable symbol, Musk is transitioning Twitter into 'X'. Dylan Mulvaney and the 'sea lion flipper-flapping woke mafia' flapped their seal of approval until they realized it wasn't Musk himself transitioning.

How do we pronounce it?" perplexed social media master Joe Tweetington complained. "Is 'X' Twitter 2.0, or like my cousin Weirdo Willy, fluid for anything and everything"?

Musk is going further than anyone before by staking a claim on the letter X itself. The eccentric billionaire plans on charging royalties every time it's used. "You've got to be kidding!" shouted famed octogenarian sexologist Edith Weisenheimer. "Do you know how many times a day I use the words sex, latex, and dominatrix? Elon's going to make another billion just from me!"

Everyone is expected to pay. No exceptions. From seven-year-old Tommy Thompson writing Santa X-mas letters to Professor X in X-Men. Though Christians are happy it's forcing stingy heathens to put Christ back in Christmas.

Social media is abuzz with alternate spellings circumventing the X-charge. Taksi is the new Taxi and Eks-ray replaces x-ray. However, clever phonetics are causing havoc for spell-check software. "We're having a meltdown!" lamented Cyndi Syntax, a top coder for a major spell-checker. "The system corrects 'aks' to 'ask'. I'm fielding angry calls from lumberjacks and deodorant companies." 

How did Musk pull off this remarkable coup? Some suggest bribery. Others blame an oblivious trademark clerk who thought 'X' was a signature scribbled on an application.

Google's parent company which owns the word 'alphabet' wants its piece of the proverbial pie. Any reference to the entire alphabet will require a licensing fee. Third-grade teacher Linda Lettersmith exclaimed "What's next? Charging for facial expressions?"

Other corporations are eager to capitalize on this letter land grab. Meta 'Threads', the sadder X-wannabe, is rumored to be renaming itself 'Z', an obvious nod to Mark Zuckerberg. "Looks like we'll only be left with 'B' and 'J' at this rate," sighed local bar owner, Bill Johnson. "At least those letters are my initials and my favorite pastime."

Amid the uproar, the linguistic community is working on a new Creative Commons alphabet. "We're ready to fight back," said Phil Frank, the leader of the group. "And, we'll never charge... unless it becomes popular."

In the midst of this letter lunacy, there's one question that lingers: If 'X' marks the spot, where in the universe is Musk going?