GAZA — In the wake of the Holocaust-like October 7th Hamas terrorist attack on Israel, where brutal savages committed unspeakable acts, Hamas is taking a predictably darker turn. Drawing inspiration from their heinous crimes against humanity, Hamas is collaborating with Planned Parenthood to open an…
LOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom's decision to fill the late Diane Feinstein’s senate seat with Laphonza Butler, a notably under-qualified candidate in the oppression Olympics, has led Californians to the brink of utter chaos. Butler, a Black, lesbian woman, and well-known “baby killer”…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At an emergency Socialist Democrat meeting addressing migrants, sanctuary cities, and overall homelessness, an unconventional and probably unconstitutional initiative was proposed. Led by Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, with support from other members of the "squad" and even Senator Bernie Sanders, they…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a seemingly never-ending display of mental deficiency, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., doubled down on her peculiar understanding of numbers this week, leading many to wonder if her calculator is, in fact, a magic 8-ball. The latest ruckus began at a climate…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shocked no one by revealing the results of a groundbreaking study: wearing actual clothes instead of a potato sack increases perceived professionalism by 70%. Dr. Carrie Threadmore, the CDC’s rarely-mentioned Director of Fabric and…
VAN BUREN TOWNSHIP, MI — In what might be the biggest blunder since he tried ordering a McFlurry at a Chipotle, a disoriented President Joe Biden somehow found himself in a picket line of discontented United Auto Workers, thinking he’d stumbled upon an exclusive ice…
WASHINGTON D.C. — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez introduced a shady proposal that's casting shadows across the aisles of Congress. Hold onto your sunhats - it's a tax on sunshine! The "Let's Eclipse the Wealthy Act" plans on installing "SkyLids" over major cityscapes, engulfing them in darkness.
FLORENCE, CO — In a shocking revelation that's breaking the internet, an FBI whistleblower released a dossier of prison cell protocols for former President Donald Trump, should he go to prison. The document, ominously titled "The Art of the Cell: Protocols for Epsteining Trump" has…
SEATTLE, WA — In an event stranger than science fiction, Hitler, the poster boy for evil, has made a dramatic comeback! Thanks to a group of mad Dr. Frankensteinian scientists (who were clearly scraping the bottom of the 'Ideas for World Domination' barrel), the dictator…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As a sign of overwhelming criminal approval of Nancy Pelosi's recent decision to run for her congressional seat again in 2024, the crime rate within her San Francisco district immediately skyrocketed. The city's underground network of criminals reportedly popped open bottles…
