A dome covers a large urban city, engulfing it in darkness.

AOC Introduces Revolutionary 'Sun Tax'

WASHINGTON D.C. — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez introduced a shady proposal that's casting shadows across the aisles of Congress. Hold onto your sunhats - it's a tax on sunshine! The "Let's Eclipse the Wealthy Act" plans on installing "SkyLids" over major cityscapes, engulfing them in darkness.

A baby. A dirty diaper. A thumb scanner.

Babies Must Now Grant Thumbprint Consent Before Diaper Changes

SEATTLE, WA — Taking a cue from sexuality expert Deanne Carson’s recent controversial advice on seeking infant consent for diaper changes, tech-savvy and exceedingly conscientious parents are now awaiting digital thumbprint consent from their babies before approaching the changing table. Parents Claudia and Rainbow Spectrum-Bliss,…

Vivek Ramaswamy as an android with text reading "I am VivekGPT".

Vivek Ramaswamy Admits "I am VivekGPT"

MILWAUKEE, WI — After weeks of jabs from opponents labeling presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy "ChatGPT", Vivek declared at a campaign rally in Tulsa that he is in fact ChatGPT in an android body. The political sphere has been filled with speculation ever since an unidentified…

Senator Josh Hawley with Senator Chuck Schumer as a purple alien standing in front of a spaceship hovering over ongress.

Chuck Schumer: Senator or Alien Space Invader?

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sparking intrigue from his congressional peers, Senator Chuck Schumer made an unexpected departure from boring political discourse into the realm of science fiction. The longstanding Democrat unveiled a wild piece of legislation requesting hearings on Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) and other extraterrestrial…

America's Last Masker Gives Self COVID

ASHLAND, OR — The last known person in America to wear a face mask has finally contracted the coronavirus after sneezing on himself. Harold "Halitosis Harry" Mulligan, a longtime "sextuple-boosted” germaphobe, was doggedly donning not one, not two, but three face masks anytime he stepped…