Husband's Blue Balls Eject Blue Substance, Wife's Hands Succumb to Smurfitis

Man and woman with hands covered in blue substance.

GREENWICH, CT — A tempestuously tubular evening took an unexpected chromatic twist for the Thompsons, a married couple from the tranquil confines of Wisteria Lane. A lingering domestic disagreement surrounding conjugal duties led to an incident that was anything but domestic or agreeable.

Gary Thompson, a fervent bird-watching enthusiast, had been feeling particularly 'blue' due to his wife's recent vow of celibacy. The lack of marital action had him wandering around, sporting the most vibrant swollen "blue balls" that even Picasso would find envious.

Unbeknownst to his wife Marjorie, a renowned bake-sale queen and part-time numerology consultant, Gary had been self-medicating his blue ball syndrome with a questionable home remedy involving a mysterious blue liquid substance that was supposedly organic.

"It was a bloke from the bird-watching club," Gary sheepishly admitted. "He said it would help... keep the equipment well-maintained during the dry spell. So, I ended up injecting some of the stuff right into know."

On that fateful night, the stars aligned in Gary's favor as Marjorie finally decided to break her celibacy streak. The couple's amorous activities took a drastic turn when Marjorie gave Gary's blue sack a squeeze, only to recoil in shock when her hands were not only sticky, but suddenly bluer than blueberries in a bowl of 'Cap'N Crunch Oops! All Berries' cereal.

"Gary, your balls just turned me into a Smurf!" Marjorie exclaimed, looking at her blue-stained hands in disbelief. Gary, meanwhile, could only muster a weak grin, pleased about the effectiveness of his self-medication, albeit surprised at the colorful side effects.

Marjorie spent the next hour furiously scrubbing her hands, trying to erase the evidence of her impromptu Smurfette cosplay, while Gary gloated about his newfound party trick. "I always wanted to stand out in the crowd. Never thought it would happen quite like this!"

As Gary revels in his Papa Smurf success and Marjorie battles her blue-handed predicament, the rest of us are left with a powerful message: When your partner complains about blue balls, it might be worth asking for clarification before making any drastic decisions.