Doctors Ditch Hippocrates for Mengele the Money-Making Mangler

BERLIN, GERMANY — At the international medical conference of "How to Get Rich Doing Unnecessary and Harmful Medical Procedures",  they announced the cancellation of their old idol, Hippocrates, for the somewhat less esteemed, yet surprisingly lucrative, Dr. Josef Mengele.

Freshly leaked documents reveal that Mengele, a Nazi physician, was an unexpected trailblazer in gender-affirming surgeries, maintaining a side hustle in elective amputations at Auschwitz. "Now that's what I call a diversified practice!" chuckled Dr. Hans Cashgrab of the 'GMN (Gimme Money Now) Healthcare Group'.

Following the revelation that 'Mengele the Mangler' was also 'Mengele the Money-Maker'', the medical community is ringing with the sound of cash registers. Hence, the trusty old Hippocratic Oath has been swiftly discarded in favor of a fresh motto: "Do no harm to our bank accounts."

"It's catchy, right?" commented Dr. Cashgrab, adjusting his diamond-studded stethoscope. "Plus, it gives us a real sense of purpose."

The ripple effect of these revelations doesn't stop there. The once esteemed Nobel Prize in Medicine, is also getting a controversial, but appropriate renaming to the 'The Mengele Mangler Prize'.

Dr. Cashgrab responded to the name-change with exhilaration: "Hey, the Nobel Prize was named after someone who blew shit up and is responsible for killing millions. Mengele saved lives. He was a pioneer who coined the phrase, 'do you want a dead son or a living daughter?' We owe him big for that. Who knew emotional blackmail could make you a millionaire? Heil Mengele!"

Opponents of the newly minted medical money-hungry mindset, spearheaded by an obscure group calling themselves 'The League of Common Sense'', are baffled and outraged by the development, revoking the 2,000-year-old medical mantra, 'do no harm'. Dr. Cashgrab, always ready with a witty response to protect his net worth, quipped, "Oh, I'm still very committed to doing no harm - no harm to my new Bentley! And you better not get a scratch on it."

Meanwhile, medical students worldwide are trading their traditional white lab coats for ones with corporate pinstripes and dollar signs, giving a whole new meaning to the term 'clinical attire'.

"This is a historic moment," said Cashgrab, lighting a cigar with a burning hundred-dollar bill. "A new dawn in medical history. Cha-ching."

The real question is, who will be the first medical mangler to proudly accept the Mengele Mangler Prize?

Reference Source: Oregon’s Castration Machine