AOC Defends Her Math Illiteracy: Claims She Was Out Sick When Teacher Read 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish' in Kindergarten

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez pondering the answer to 2+2 in a thought bubble at a climate rally in background.

WASHINGTON, D.C. In a seemingly never-ending display of mental deficiency, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., doubled down on her peculiar understanding of numbers this week, leading many to wonder if her calculator is, in fact, a magic 8-ball.

The latest ruckus began at a climate rally where Ocasio-Cortez confidently proclaimed, "If only 10 houses each reduced their electricity use by 10% that's a 100% reduction! 11 houses, a 110% reduction...which means we're not just saving electricity...we're healing the environment!"

Bemused environmentalists whispered corrections among themselves, while math teachers in the audience exchanged disgusted glances. An 8th-grader interviewed at the rally stated, "Like, from what I remember in Mrs. Johnson's math class, percentages are not cumulative, right? 10% is 10%."

In response to the growing cacophony of facepalms, a defiant Ocasio-Cortez tweeted, "Numbers are subjective! Just because it's not YOUR truth doesn't mean it's not MY truth."

Conservative pundit, Martha O'Pine, was quick to point out: "By AOC's math, I suppose the moon is made of cheese, and unicorns are the primary mode of transportation in Atlantis."

Yet, the Congresswoman's defenders argue that her innovative approach to math is merely a metaphorical expression. Dr. Looney Tunes, professor of Fictional Arithmetic at Fantasy University, stated, "When AOC says 2+2=5, she's not being literal. She's referencing an alternative dimension where numbers are, like, totally fluid, man."

In a bold move, AOC shocked even her most ardent supporters by announcing her next legislative proposal: the "Math Is What You Make It Act," aiming to standardize 'personal math' across all U.S. schools.

"I believe every child should have the right to decide what numbers mean for them," said Ocasio-Cortez, wearing a shirt that proudly proclaimed "Mathlete."

Dr. Ned Normal, a statistician from Practical University, expressed his concern: "While everyone has the right to their opinion, not everyone has the right to their own version of math. I mean, imagine trying to split a restaurant bill with her!"

Famous street magician and former actuary Rick Ratio quipped, "Who needs card tricks when you can just make numbers disappear?"

In a recent press briefing, Ocasio-Cortez finally conceded and attempted to clarify the roots of her numerical confusion. "Look, I might have missed a fundamental lesson or two," the Congresswoman sheepishly admitted. "In Kindergarten, they were reading 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish' on 'Know Your Numbers Day', and I was out sick. Who knew Dr. Seuss was pivotal for math education?"

Critics were quick to skewer her revelation, with one pundit roasting, "Kamala Harris is dumber than a dolphin and now AOC is dumber than a fish? Maybe Nemo can take over her seat in Congress."