Democrats Demand "Jew Huts" House Homeless

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At an emergency Socialist Democrat meeting addressing migrants, sanctuary cities, and overall homelessness, an unconventional and probably unconstitutional initiative was proposed. Led by Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, with support from other members of the "squad" and even Senator Bernie Sanders, they demanded that Jews not dismantle their sukkahs after the festival but instead utilize them to house the homeless. President Biden is mulling over declaring a state of emergency to enforce this peculiar policy in sanctuary cities.

For the uninitiated, a sukkah is an airy temporary hut Jewish people dwell in during the week-long Jewish festival of Sukkot which this year began the evening of September 29th and ends October 6th. It represents the makeshift shelters the Israelites lived in during their 40 years of wandering the desert.

Rashida Tlaib, further exposing her antisemitism stated, "It's high time these temporary Jew Huts found a permanent use. Think of all the migrants we could help if every Jew turned their sukkah into a mini-sanctuary!"

Bernie Sanders, who openly identifies as irreligious and possibly a self-hating Jew, uncomfortably weighed in: "I've never stepped foot in a sukkah, but this seems like a good use for them." When asked if he would be building his own sukkah to aid the cause, Sanders quickly changed the topic to free college tuition.

Reform Rabbi Hannah Heschel, a leading voice for queer social justice and president of her local Jewish Atheists chapter, was elated. "This is a fabulous idea! What better way to live the values of Sukkot than by helping the homeless?" she gushed, already planning a workshop on 'Sukkahs for Sassy Sustainability.'

Orthodox rabbis had a common sense perspective. Rabbi Yitzchak Goldstein, a respected figure, voiced his concerns, "This feels eerily reminiscent of times when Jews were singled out in Europe. And religiously, a sukkah is meant for the festival; it's not a long-term dwelling. Are we next going to turn menorahs into city streetlights?"

Local homeless advocate, Bob "Boxcar" McGraw, chimed in: "As much as I appreciate the sentiment, winter's coming, folks. I'd prefer a warm room over a chilly sukkah." He then unveiled his new campaign: "Homes, Not Huts!"