Megan Rapinoe Creates Shockwaves with Stunner Revelation, Michelle Obama Follows Suit

CHICAGO, IL — In an unprecedented move that bewildered the global soccer community, star player of the US Women’s National Team, Megan Rapinoe confirmed rumors circulating that she was born "Mack Rapinoe”, a man. 

The shocking revelation occurred during a recent interview with Time Magazine, where Megan discussed her advocacy for trans-woman’s participation in women’s soccer. When queried if she’d support a trans-woman on the USWNT roster, she passionately responded, "Absolutely," while subtly adjusting her bulging crotch. For some time, the bulbosity was rumored to be a sock or packing underwear from Target, but now one might rightly suspect that it’s more than grimy footwear.

Rapinoe, who made her name fighting for LGBTQIA++++++ rights and standing up for trans athletes' inclusion in sports, previously stated, "It’s particularly frustrating when women’s sports is weaponized...and show me all the trans people who are nefariously taking advantage of being trans in sports. It’s just not happening." When questioned about this, Rapinoe retorted, “I’m retiring, so nah nah boo boo.”

The startling news hadn't yet finished making its round on global headlines when Michelle Obama, inspired by Rapinoe, addressed rumors that have been whispering her name (names?) for years.

As the sun set on a day that had already been earmarked in history, Michelle Obama appeared on a surprise live all-channel broadcast. She began her speech with grace and composure, acknowledging the courage of Megan Rapinoe's revelation. And then, with a deep breath and a broad smile, she dropped a bombshell.

"Yes, it's true. I was born Michael, but now I'm Michelle, and I have been for as long as you've known me," she declared, her words echoing around a stunned globe.

Social media platforms exploded into a frenzy of shock and seal-flapping applause. Hashtags #MackToMegan and #MichaelToMichelle trended worldwide. The world had never seen a day like this.

But the most surprising turn of events was yet to come. Moments after Michelle's disclosure, former President Barack Obama came into frame. Standing next to his wife with an arm around her, he smiled at the camera. "And I'd like to introduce you all," he said, "to my partner, my hard rock, my Michael. Er, Michelle. I accept him, her, BBC and all."

As the screen faded to black, the world was left to digest this double-whammy. Whether cheering in the stands for Mack Rapinoe or sharing dick memes of Michael Obama, the world united in celebrating these brave men.