Joe Biden Launches New Masterclass: How to be a Sneaky Sniffer

Biden book "How to Sniff Women and Children Without Consequnces" on tablet, phone, and paperback.

GLENDALE, CA — Notorious pervert Sonny Sniffton once again received a mere tap on the nose after his 40th arrest for sniffing women without consent: community service at a women's shelter. When interviewed about how he avoids justice (like a long prison sentence with a cellmate named Bubba) Sniffton casually pointed to "Joe Biden's Masterclass: How to Sniff Women and Children Without Consequences", a new 20-part course by President Joe Biden that embraces his needy nose.

"I love the scent of a woman. I've watched the movie 37 times," Sniffton explained. "And thanks to Creepy Joe, I've refined my sniffing strategy. He's the MVS - Most Valuable Sniffer!" An enrollee of the course, Sniffton boasts a certificate in "Advanced Public Sniffing Techniques" and an "Essential Olfactory Etiquette" badge on his LinkedIn.

Upon being confronted about his side hustle, Biden responded, "I always knew my nose had potential. Just like that infomercial – Set it! Forget it! And Sniff it! And the best part? You get a free surprise scratch n' sniff with every purchase."

An anonymous White House insider divulged plans for the inaugural "National Sniff Day," slated for the fall. Sonny is expected as Grand Marshal. "Yeah, it's a promo for the Big Guy's course. What are you going to do about it?"

Local activist Fara Femme was quick to express her disdain. "What's next? A Masterclass in Unwanted Dry Humping?"

Here is the full course syllabus for "How to Sniff Women and Children Without Consequences" by Joe Biden

Course Duration: 10 Weeks, 2 setions per week.

Section 1: Introduction to Sniffology  

Understand the cultural, historical, and sociological perspectives of sniffing.

Section 2: The Anatomy of the Nose  

Dive deep into the physiological wonder that is our primary sniffing apparatus.

Section 3: Sneaky Sniffs: A Primer  

Master the art of subtle sniffing without getting caught in the act.

Section 4: Ethical Considerations  

Establish boundaries and understand the importance of consent in the sniffing community.

Section 5: Aromas & Emotions: Tapping into Feelings  

Learn to interpret and respond to the array of emotions linked to various scents.

Section 6: Tools of the Trade  

Discover the must-have gadgets to enhance your sniffing experience.

Section 7: Nose Etiquette: Do's and Don'ts  

Grasp the rules of engagement to avoid unsightly nasal faux pas.

Section 8: The Science of Scents  

Delve into the world of pheromones, fragrances, and the brain-nose connection.

Section 9: Sniffing in Social Situations  

Strategies to sniff at parties, meetings, and other gatherings without arousing suspicion.

Section 10: Masterclass: Signature Sniff Techniques  

From the 'Quick Whiff' to the 'Deep Dive', learn the sniff styles of the masters.

Section 11: Cross-Cultural Sniffing  

Understand global sniffing customs and ensure you respect regional nuances.

Section 12: Defensive Sniffing  

Counteract unsolicited sniffers with tact and elegance.

Section 13: Post-Sniff Conversations  

Craft dialogues to divert attention and handle any potential confrontations.

Section 14: The Politics of Sniffing  

Discuss the socio-political implications of sniffing in the public arena.

Section 15: Sniffing in the Digital Age  

Harness technology to keep up with the latest sniffing trends and communities.

Section 16: Celebrity Case Studies  

Analyze famous personalities known for their sniffing escapades.

Section 17: Fragrance & Fashion: Sniffing with Style  

Integrate sniffing into your personal brand and aesthetic.

Section 18: Handling Sniffing Scandals  

Strategies to manage and rebound from sniffing controversies.

Section 19: The Future of Sniffing  

Speculate on the evolving sniffing landscape in the next decade.

Section 20: Final Sniff-Off  

A practical exam where students showcase their sniffing prowess and etiquette.