Uber Launches UberBack: Piggyback Rides on Demand

People riding piggyback on a city street.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As humanity marches towards a "useless class" era where many people become obsolete due to AI and automation, some entrepreneurs are ensuring at least some parts of our bodies remain useful to society without having to sell a kidney or resort to prostitution.

Uber introduced its latest groundbreaking service: UberBack. No wheels. No gas. Just human leg power carrying you "piggyback". A zero-carbon emission experience. 

'UberStriders', the official name for those carrying passengers on their backs, must possess two working arms and legs, and a spine that can bear the weight of at least one passenger at a time.

The National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) weighed in with concerns. "We already buy two plane seats. Now we're charged by the pound for a stride around the block. What’s next, a surcharge for heavy breathing?" vented NAAFA spokesperson Phyllis Plumperton.

 In response, Uber is introducing "UberBack Plus" for those who require a ''sturdier' ride at a reasonable price.

UberBack isn't just for city commutes. It debuted on the exclusive Nudisté Island, where the elite vacation without vehicles or clothes. The service successfully shuttled billionaires across hot sands, from beach brunches to yoga sessions.

"The sand nearly scorched my pinky toe last summer!" said billionaire Richie Richman. "With UberBack, my feet stayed as tender as my favorite filet mignon."

While technology seeks to automate everything, UberBack suggests there's still a niche for the human backbone. In the race against machines, maybe we're not entirely spineless. And, it's comforting to know that corporations will always do whatever it takes to profit off the backs of others.