LOS ANGELES, CA — The truth finally came to light why Hollywood suppressed the anti-child-trafficking film "Sound of Freedom'' for five years. Nepotism. Dizzy Pictures, a struggling film production company, was already producing "Songs of Oppression: A Love Letter to Child Traffickers", a dance-filled musical…
LOS ANGELES, CA — Following the success of the man-hating neon-kiddie-crack Barbie movie, it’s rumored that Hollywood will use its story-telling wrecking ball to further demolish childhood and innocence. A gender-fluid Mr. Potato Head is set to star in a "Gay Marxist" feature film, according…
In a turn of events that would make Lorena Bobbitt raise an eyebrow, a domestic spat between renowned transgender surgeon Dr. Leslie “Precision” Perkins and her partner Melissa “Unsuspecting” Underwood took an unbelievable turn last night. It started on a quiet Tuesday evening in the couple's…
LOS, ANGELES, CA — BicepBarn Gym recently replaced its spinning room with a unicycling track. Not aerobic 'air leg' unicycling, actual unicycling – with unicycles – the single-wheeler more often associated with a circus than a fitness center. "Spin cycling is so last year," stated…
ANCHORAGE ALASKA — In a titanic twist of taxation turmoil, Caucasian-born leftist trans-woman, trans-racial Eskimo billionaire lesbian...and now self-identified pauper, Rainbow Snowflake Iceberg—or R.S. Iceberg for short—is feeling the full force of the woke but not-quite-woke-enough Internal Revenue Service (IRS). Iceberg, known for scaling the…
JAMAICA PLAIN, MA — A recent study has shown that plants may indeed feel pain. This discovery profoundly affects 'ethical' vegans who refuse to cause any distress to living things. They're turning over a new leaf, and photosynthesis is the new dish of the day.
HYPERCUBIC HUB, 4TH DIMENSION — Just as the world thought it had successfully acknowledged every identity from our solar system to distant galaxies, it appears we've overlooked some marginalized cosmic beings. Ironically, this revelation occurred on International Non-Binary People's Day, observed on July 14th. Fourth…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The San Francisco City Council passed a revolutionary bill dubbed the "Progressive Property Redistribution Act (PPRA)," making it obligatory for residents to participate in theft activities at least once a week. The new policy cements the city's avant-garde status in embracing…
CHICAGO, IL — In an unprecedented move that bewildered the global soccer community, star player of the US Women’s National Team, Megan Rapinoe confirmed rumors circulating that she was born "Mack Rapinoe”, a man. The shocking revelation occurred during a recent interview with Time Magazine,…
PITTSBURGH, PA — An elementary school teacher's woke dream turned into a real-life nightmare after an unfortunate incident involving a third-grade student identifying as a cat. Mr. Toby "All-Inclusive" Bernard, a teacher at the Harmonious Elementary School, had a reputation for his woke credentials. A…
