NEWPORT, RI — A local women's tea gathering for 'Daughters of the Next Revolution' took an unexpected unsavory turn yesterday afternoon when a nude man barged into a posh estate sunroom gyrating his hips like Elvis. The pervert declared, "Anyone wanna give these tea bags…
Ridged Rock Magazine Exclusive: An Off-The-Rails Interview with the JestWire Maestro, Harley P. Worthington III By: Spike Litmus, Senior Ridged Rock Magazine Correspondent Spike: So, Harley, you traded the echoes of the Appalachian Mountains for... satire. Tell us, how does one go from valleys to...
HARLOWTOWN, MA — Doug Brinley, a notorious repeat sex offender who served 12 years in prison for sexually assaulting an elderly woman, recently proclaimed himself to be a "gentleman." Brinley insisted that by mere identity, his sexual behavior should be viewed as chivalrous rather than…
WASHINGTON D.C. — In an unprecedented, zoopolitical move, elephants are identifying as donkeys to evade Democrat political persecution and gain acceptance in blue-leaning pastures. Elephants, known for their prodigious memories and intelligence, have long been the symbol of the Republican Party. However, recent disturbing events…
PORTLAND, OR — Eastbroke High School silenced its classrooms. Not for meditation or discipline—but for Diversity, Inclusivity, and Equity (DIE) for their lone deaf student. The plan was to teach everyone sign language and mandate it as the only permitted form of school communication. When…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As humanity marches towards a "useless class" era where many people become obsolete due to AI and automation, some entrepreneurs are ensuring at least some parts of our bodies remain useful to society without having to sell a kidney or resort…
GOODHUE, MN — Just a week after the Minneapolis Police Department made headlines by recruiting a squirrel, Goodhue hired its own furry vigilante: "Mr. Nibbles," the cousin of Minneapolis' "Mr. Nutters." This literally wild initiative was announced at a press conference by the town's Mayor,…
HOLLYWEIRD, CA — After suffering severe backlash and mocking for ditching Prince Charming from their upcoming "Snow White" live-action remake, Disney reintroduced and reimagined him "2023 Disney-style". Charming is now Prince Pervy – a woman-hating incel rapist serial killer with a disturbing desire for passive…
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The Minneapolis Police Department (MPD) announced their latest attempt to manage budget cuts inflicted by the "Defund the Police" movement prompted by local congresswoman Ilhan Omar. The newest member of their friendly enforcement team is a four-legged, bushy-tailed detective who goes by…
BEIJING, CHINA — Hollywood celebrities on-strike were exposed crossing the picket line paid to pose as bears in a Beijing China zoo wearing bear costumes biting bamboo. "We had to be discreet," stammered soap star and beloved panda Paul Patterson during a TMZ ambush interview…
