Naked Man Gets Arrested Identifying as Tea Bag at Women's Tea Party

Two tea bags dipping in a teacup in a posh Victorian sunroom.

NEWPORT, RI — A local women's tea gathering for 'Daughters of the Next Revolution' took an unexpected unsavory turn yesterday afternoon when a nude man barged into a posh estate sunroom gyrating his hips like Elvis. The pervert declared, "Anyone wanna give these tea bags a swirl?" as his testicles swung around like an airplane propeller.

Margaret Beaumont, 77, coordinator for the event, nearly dropped her fine china. "Good heavens. I ordered fancy teas not a striptease!" she exclaimed.

Jane Harrows, 59, a usually composed tea enthusiast, sharply quipped, "Sir, we asked for hot brews, not your lewd views!" Her comment was met with a mix of nervous laughter and audible gasps.

The unabashed man retorted, "I demand you accept my brew-tiful identity!" He then mimed a teapot stance, dramatically sticking out his rear while tipping over.

Oblivious to the room's tension, the naked man proceeded to give wheelchair-bound Ms. Dorothy Halifax a lewd tea-bag lapdance to the horror of the attendees.

103-year-old Ruth Pines took a deep breath and snapped, "We were expecting a pungent blend, not a noxious bend, you foul cretin!" The intruder defiantly dipped lower, insisting he was merely letting his "leaves marinade."

Several attendees called the police. Others tried to shield their eyes and hide their giggles behind gold-embroidered napkins.

The man's 'performance' was eventually cut short when local officers arrived. They wrapped him in a blanket and led him away while he screamed 'I AM THE TEA BAG KING!'

Later in the evening, social media was abuzz with posts about the incident. Strangely, most Reddit groups, particularly 'Am I the a-hole', defended the man's right to express his 'essence' and rebuked the women for censoring 'performance art'.

The 'Daughters of the Next Revolution' plan to be more cautious in the future, hosting future events behind bolted doors.