Elephants Identify as Donkeys to Avoid Political Persecution

Two elephants with fake donkey ears at a Trump rally.

WASHINGTON D.C. — In an unprecedented, zoopolitical move, elephants are identifying as donkeys to evade Democrat political persecution and gain acceptance in blue-leaning pastures.

Elephants, known for their prodigious memories and intelligence, have long been the symbol of the Republican Party. However, recent disturbing events triggered an identity crisis among the trunk-bearing behemoths. “I never thought I’d see the day when an elephant would bray instead of trumpet,” remarked Dr. Nora Packderm, Head of Zoological Political Studies at the University of Absurdistan.

The peculiar phenomenon began shortly after former President Donald Trump and many of his allies faced indictment in Georgia. Not to mention the January 6th rally, where thousands of attendees who believed they were joining a mammoth conservative tailgate party ended up in orange jumpsuits.

"An elephant never forgets," said Ivory Greystone, a representative of the newly self-proclaimed 'Donkephants'. "We saw a trend. Why be elephants in the zoo when we can be donkeys and roam free?"

Several elephant sanctuaries previously facing funding cuts in heavily Democratic areas have conveniently rebounded. The New York-based "Elephant Haven" changed its name last week to "Donkey's Den" and reported a 200% increase in liberal visitors who arrive to embrace the 'trans-donkeys'. When questioned, the sanctuary's owner, Bernice Saddler stated, "If identifying as donkeys gets them more peanuts, why not? Isn’t that what politics is about?"

Political commentators believe this move is more than an identity switch. "It's a classic strategy. Today they're donkeys, tomorrow they'll infiltrate the Democratic Party and introduce policies to bioengineer GMO-supersized peanuts," hypothesized a political analyst who wishes to remain in the shadows.

In a shocking reversal, a recent poll showed that 60% of donkeys are now considering identifying as elephants in a counter move, creating even greater pandemonium. When asked why, Dottie Donkilus remarked, “If they're taking our spots, we might as well take theirs. Plus, I've always wanted to have a trunk. It makes eating apples so much easier!"