HIGH COURT, GALACTIC CONFEDERACY — Real estate mogul, internet sensation, and Scientology cult member Grant Cardone filed a lawsuit that's out of this world – quite literally. Cardone, known for his extravagant lifestyle and the best-selling book “The 10X Rule,” is now embroiled in a…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As humanity marches towards a "useless class" era where many people become obsolete due to AI and automation, some entrepreneurs are ensuring at least some parts of our bodies remain useful to society without having to sell a kidney or resort…
HOLLYWEIRD, CA — After suffering severe backlash and mocking for ditching Prince Charming from their upcoming "Snow White" live-action remake, Disney reintroduced and reimagined him "2023 Disney-style". Charming is now Prince Pervy – a woman-hating incel rapist serial killer with a disturbing desire for passive…
PALM BEACH, FL — After extensively investigating Trump's tweets, special counsel Jack Smith is now focusing on the former President's Twitter memes. "Our goal is to delve deep into Trump's psyche using advanced psychoanalysis," stated assistant prosecutor Lexi Luper. "Playful cats and Baby Yoda memes…
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Dr. Eustace P. Featherington, a renowned time-management specialist and professor of Advanced Temporal Studies at the exceedingly pretentious and respected Ivy Vine University, has an unconventional proposal to alleviate the ever-present work-week fatigue. He suggests we dump the 5-day work week model…
BOCA CHICA, TX — In a move that surprised everyone, Elon Musk rebranded Twitter to 'X' and updated its' tagline from 'Let's Talk' to 'Blaze Your Glory'. For many, the new slogan seemed religious. In fact, Musk revealed today that 'X' will be the social…
WORLD — Shortly after the recent "Barbie'' blockbuster demeaningly depicted dudes as dim-witted domineering dolts, dissent was declared. Men around the globe tossed their wrenches and work gloves aside to passively protest. Garbage is piling up, sewers are clogging, and air conditioners are choking in…
FORT WORTH, TX — Airlines are swapping mini alcohol bottles for marijuana to prevent unruly drunk passengers. This decision was sparked by a recent uptick in drunken incidents aboard flights, leading airline CEOs to brainstorm innovative solutions. Their epiphany: replace the turbulence of alcohol with…
IRVINE, CA — Fast-food giant Taco Bell is taking a sizzling approach to marketing in the fast-food industry. The "Branded for Burritos" promo offers Taco Bell's most loyal customers free tacos for life, but only if they agree to be hot-iron branded with Taco Bell's…
BOCA CHICA, TX — Elon Musk, renowned Space X founder and brainchild behind Tesla is boldly rebranding Twitter into a concise single letter. Just as the artist Prince transformed into an unpronounceable symbol, Musk is transitioning Twitter into 'X'. Dylan Mulvaney and the 'sea lion…
