Man-hating Barbie Movie Triggers Global Men's Strike
WORLD — Shortly after the recent "Barbie'' blockbuster demeaningly depicted dudes as dim-witted domineering dolts, dissent was declared. Men around the globe tossed their wrenches and work gloves aside to passively protest. Garbage is piling up, sewers are clogging, and air conditioners are choking in sweaty summer rebellion.
"Cars aren't running and toilets are gurgling like geysers," bemoaned Janice Johnson. "My car mechanic Johnny Wrench is swordfishing in the Bahamas. They say it's all about that damn movie, but all I want is my Camry back on the road!"
"This is our 'I am Spartacus!' moment," proclaimed a portly pissed plumber Plunger Pete. "We've been reduced to a stereotype that's less flattering than a plumber's crack!"
All men are on strike, halting their male-dominated jobs."Need an oil change? Cry me a river," sneered Spark Plug Sam slouching on a sofa sipping suds (but not Bud Light). "See how society functions when the 'Kens' take a break? And no, I won't fix your car, Janice!"
Amidst the chaos, a silver lining has emerged: business is booming for the world's only three female electricians -- Amp Annie, Veronica Volt, and Current Carol. But of course that's not enough technicians for all four and a half billion women.
"We'll survive," claimed eco-activist Daisy Day, sporting a homemade compost bin necklace. "If the world was only women, it'd be utopia. We'd cultivate the land and develop sustainable energy. Be mothers to Mother Earth instead of man-children."
A group of level-headed militant feminists disagree with the man-hating morons and have joined the masculine mutiny, marching against misandry.
"The portrayal of men in 'Barbie' is a gross exaggeration that does not reflect our ideals," announced Gloria Harden, a leading feminist. "We seek equality, not dominance. Although I have to admit it's fun being on top for a change."
As the strike continues, the world ponders societal gender roles and the following thought from Piers Morgan: "If I made a movie that treated women the way Barbie treats men, feminists would want me executed."
Real Statistics:
- 4.3% of car mechanics are women
- 5.3% of plumbers are women
- 4.4% of electricians are women
- 5% of garbage collectors are women
- 4.8% of air conditioning techs are women
Let's assume these are jobs most women don't want to do.
