Lakers Go Trans, Join WNBA; Games Suddenly Watchable

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a stunning move, the entire LA Lakers basketball team transitioned to "trans women" and joined the WNBA. This is the first time in the history of the sport that someone said, "Did you watch that WNBA game last night?" and meant it.

Ratings have skyrocketed. Formerly, the WNBA celebrated one slam dunk every five years, now they’re tallying thousands annually. Experts claim the WNBA might need to raise the hoop height or introduce anti-dunk legislation to level the playing field.

"WNBA games are now exciting instead of boring" quipped Librona James, the newly dubbed star of the Los Angeles Sparks. "Back in the NBA, I worried about being rejected by the occasional 7-footer. Now? It's just a non-stop slam dunkathon."

Antoinette Davina Davis joked "We trans-folks aren't just crushing backboards. We're crushing bio-women's egos. Hashtag 'men make better women.'"

In addition to heightened athleticism, the WNBA is experiencing a significant increase in viewership. Previously, the average person struggled to name even a single WNBA player. Sheila McNeverwatched confessed, "I've been a loyal fan for a whole 72 hours and I can name the whole team!" 

"My kid used to ask if the NBA had a women's league. Now, he's asking if the WNBA has a men's league," chuckled local resident, Barry O'Donnel.

As viewership and revenue soar, WNBA salaries have skyrocketed. While this may sound like a victory for female athletes, the reality is that most of the inflated paychecks are going to the newly transitioned players. Genuine female basketball players are finding themselves benched or ousted from the league altogether.

"I used to dream of playing professionally," lamented Tiffany Reinhart, a former WNBA prospect. "Now, I'm back shooting hoops at the local playground because there's no space for real women in the league."

Candace Parker (we think that's her name) former WNBA superstar, now known as "that tall lady at the playground" commented, "It's back to kiddie-ball for us."

There appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel. The original WNBA players are forming a brand-new player-owned league: the “World's Best Actual Women Basketballers Association” (WBAWBA). And to ensure this time there’s viewership they're negotiating with Vince McMahon for some kind of basketball-mud-wrestling hybrid game.