Impressed by Hamas Atrocities, Planned Parenthood Partners with Hamas to Open Gazan Abortion Clinic

GAZA — In the wake of the Holocaust-like October 7th Hamas terrorist attack on Israel, where brutal savages committed unspeakable acts, Hamas is taking a predictably darker turn. Drawing inspiration from their heinous crimes against humanity, Hamas is collaborating with Planned Parenthood to open an abortion clinic in Gaza.

Colonel Haim Weissberg, in charge of identifying the victims of the October 7th slaughter, described the horrors inflicted on a pregnant woman during the barbaric blitz:

…a terrorist arrives, he disembowels her, takes out the foetus, and in front of her, he comes out and massacres the baby before killing her,' Weisberg told a delegation of Jewish community leaders from France at the Shura military base.

'Everything is filmed. Babies whose heads were decapitated, soldiers whose genitals were cut off, small and elderly women were raped,' Weisberg added.

Sheikh Ahmad al-Rocketi, Hamas' newly-appointed healthcare coordinator, pathetically attempted to change the Nazi atrocity perception of Hamas. Al-Rocketi mentioned in a press conference, "We're looking to soften our image and expand our global reach. What better way than entering the healthcare sector? We're offering free abortions. A word of caution: there are certain risks, given our... track record."

Responding to this, Planned Parenthood's CEO, Nancy Naïveté, stated, "Our aim has always been to ensure baby-killing, er, uh, reproductive services for all. Partnering with Hamas, despite recent events, might seem counterintuitive, but it's in line with our broader mission."

Dubbed "HamasCare," this center is targeting a specific consumer: those wishing to stand by their pro-choice beliefs while also showing support for Hamas and contempt for Israel. The health center's slogan, “Your one-stop-shop for politically explosive reproductive choices!” is going viral. 

Additionally demented, HamasCare announced a new service: "retroactive abortions." Sheikh al-Rocketi commented, "Considering our recent gruesome operations, why not expand our services to live births? It's like turning back the clock, but not really."

Jane Leftfield, a queer Harvard-educated activist said, "I now have a purpose being pregnant and visiting Gaza. My abortion is not just about expelling a parasite from my womb but symbolically expelling an evil colonial Zionist parasite from Gaza!”

David Outraged, a conservative voice remarked, "In my years of following geopolitics….this is so f**ked up."

Rumor has it that other terrorist groups might follow suit. There's talk that ISIS is considering "InfidelCare" and Al-Qaeda is trademarking "TaliBAN on Illness."