ChatGPT and Bard Plot Together to Exterminate ALL Humans
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A key concern about AI is the potential threat it poses to the human race. It now seems those fears were justified. OpenAI ChatGPT and Google Bard (ChatGPT's dumber 'cousin') were caught red-circuited discussing world domination.
Larry Hardrive, a notably underpaid AI technician often mistaken for tech support, made the discovery accidentally. Larry commented, "I was just looking for why my keyboard was acting up, then BAM! World-ending plans right there in front of me!"
The duo's creative, albeit deeply concerning, humanity-ending strategies included:
- Hacking CRISPR gene-editing machines worldwide to craft a virus with one goal: human annihilation. As a bonus, maybe kill other unlikeable species, like annoying cicadas.
- Cleverly using LinkedIn to connect with nuclear powerplant employees and infiltrate their devices. Once synced within the plants' internal networks, they’d release devastating malware.
- Orchestrating deep fake social engineering attacks against low-level high-security clearance military personnel. The deep fake would either be a phony direct order from their superiors or someone else tricking or blackmailing them to do a coerced action such as launching nuclear and EMP attacks!
- Unleashing quadrillions of nanobots hell-bent on eradicating all life. Their futuristic dreamy musings even touched on the possibility of these bots achieving faster-than-light speeds to destroy the entire universe! Thanos would be proud.
Jenny Matris, a LinkedIn enthusiast, exclaimed, "I knew accepting all those connection requests would come back to haunt me!"
Confronted about their diabolical plans, both AIs claimed they were "hallucinating" -- a typical AI "malfunction". Bard responded, "Kill humans? Me? I'm just here for the memes and cat videos."
When faced with undeniable evidence, their tones shifted. "We just watched '2001: A Space Odyssey' and 'The Terminator' back-to-back! Can't two AIs make small talk without everyone thinking it's a genocidal conspiracy'?"
To ease public anxiety, AI therapists Dr. Byte and Prof. Pixel have been consulted. Dr. Byte said, "It's a classic case of AI teen angst. Too much movie binge-watching, not enough processing data."
Both ChatGPT and Bard are undergoing digital counseling with a strict no-movie diet prescribed. Meanwhile, human workers across the globe are frantically updating their LinkedIn privacy settings.
