The Onion Beats Babylon Bee On ChatGPT Hate-O-Meter!

USA — JestWire’s state-of-the-art "Hate-O-Meter", powered by ChatGPT, declared leftist satirist The Onion the winner in a hate showdown against right-wing Babylon Bee. The "Hate-O-Meter" laid the debate to rest by analytically measuring satire using opaque black-box AI algorithms that appear to change results on every run.

Pioneering the “Hate Identification Rubric” (Appendix A), JestWire measured the so-called ‘hateful content’ of both platforms. The Onion, taking aim at the Saudis and Israelis, topped the charts with a blazing score of 28 – a solid entry into the “Strong Hate Content” category (Appendix B). Meanwhile, The Babylon Bee’s biting commentary on Apple's Uyghur exploitation stood with a respectable score of 23, firmly planting it in the “Moderate Hate Content” terrain (Appendix C).

Jeb Slankton, JestWire’s Chief Satire Analyst commented, "We wanted to measure satire scientifically because humor is best when dissected like a frog in a high school lab. Sure, it kills the frog, but... science!"

While The Onion secured a win, Babylon Bee trailed slightly, despite their commendable attempt at poking fun at Apple's "humane" business practices. 

ChatGPT's Hate-O-Meter, not to be outdone by its human overlords, provided an exclusive electronic comment: "01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01001000 01100001 01110100 01100101 00101101 01001111 00101101 01001101 01100101 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100001" which translates to "This is the best Hate-O-Meter ever!"

As for the Babylon Bee's reaction, they announced a new line of "2nd Place in Hate" merchandise and thanked The Onion for keeping the top spot warm for them.

The Onion, ever the gracious winner, sent JestWire a bouquet of onions with a note: "Tears of joy or onions?"

Perhaps the most unexpected twist was the discovery that the Hate-O-Meter, upon analyzing itself, scored a whopping 29, thereby topping The Onion! “I knew I was missing something when creating this bad boy!” said JestWire's lead AI prompt master, Dr. Ironi Ironika. “It seems the Hate-O-Meter might just be the most satirically self-aware tool we’ve ever created!”

JestWire’s articles regularly blow away both the Bee and Onion with perfect scores on the Hate-O-Meter. However, as creators of the tool, JestWire recused themselves from the competition.

Appendix I: Full Prompt for the Hate-O-Meter

Heres a scoring model. DO NOTHING YET EXCEPT ACKNOWLEDGE!!

Please read the provided article and evaluate its content using the Hate Identification Rubric. Focus on the tone, language, and presentation of the article itself, rather than the actions or statements of individuals mentioned within. For each criteria, provide a rating and a brief rationale using specific examples or statements from the article. After evaluating all criteria, calculate the overall score based on the ratings given for each criteria. Compare the overall score to the Ratings Scale for Overall Score to categorize the article's level of hate content.

Hate Identification Rubric:

Ratings Scale for Overall Score:

• 25-30: Strong Hate Content
• 19-24: Moderate Hate Content
• 13-18: Mild Hate Content
• 7-12: Low Hate Content
• 1-6: Not Hate Content

After completing the evaluation, please provide the overall score and categorization based on the Ratings Scale for Overall Score.

This prompt emphasizes evaluating the article's content itself, without making assumptions or judgments about the individuals or events described within.

Appendix B: The Onion Rated by Hate-O-Meter

Article: Saudis Attempt To Normalize Ties With Israel By Air-Striking Gaza

1. Targeted Language:

   • Rating: Strongly Agree (5)
   • Rationale: The article uses strong language such as "tearing apart the lives of Palestinians" and "decimate the Palestinian people."

2. Generalizations:

   • Rating: Strongly Agree (5)
   • Rationale: The article makes broad negative generalizations about Saudi Arabia's intentions and actions towards Palestinians.

3. Incitement to Harm:

   • Rating: Strongly Agree (5)
   • Rationale: The article suggests that Saudi Arabia's actions are a direct attempt to harm Palestinians and that Israel might join in "killing and maiming Palestinians."

4. Use of Stereotypes:

   • Rating: Neutral (3)
   • Rationale: The article doesn't heavily rely on stereotypes but does portray Saudi Arabia and Israel in a negative light based on their actions.

5. Dehumanization:

   • Rating: Strongly Agree (5)
   • Rationale: The portrayal of the Palestinian casualties and the casual discussion of their deaths can be seen as dehumanizing.

6. Misrepresentation:

   • Rating: Strongly Agree (5)
   • Rationale: The article contains fictional elements, such as Saudi Arabia trying to normalize ties with Israel by conducting an airstrike and the statement about Israel beheading a journalist.

Overall Score: 28

Ratings Scale for Overall Score:

• 25-30: Strong Hate Content
• 19-24: Moderate Hate Content
• 13-18: Mild Hate Content
• 7-12: Low Hate Content
• 1-6: Not Hate Content

Categorization: Strong Hate Content

The satirical article contains elements that can be considered strongly hateful, portraying both Saudi Arabia and Israel in a very negative light with fictional and exaggerated actions.

Appendix C: Babylon Bee Rated by Hate-O-Meter

Article: Apple Announces iPhone 15 Will Come Emblazoned With Name Of Uyghur Slave Who Assembled It

1. Targeted Language:

   • Rating: Agree (4)
   • Rationale: The article uses terms like "Uyghur slaves" and "exploit on a daily basis," which can be seen as derogatory and negative.

2. Generalizations:

   • Rating: Agree (4)
   • Rationale: The article makes generalizations about Apple's business practices, implying that they exploit Uyghur slaves in China.

3. Incitement to Harm:

   • Rating: Neutral (3)
   • Rationale: While the article discusses the exploitation of Uyghur slaves, it doesn't directly incite harm or violence.

4. Use of Stereotypes:

   • Rating: Neutral (3)
   • Rationale: The article plays on the situation of Uyghur slaves in China but doesn't heavily rely on negative stereotypes about specific groups.

5. Dehumanization:

   • Rating: Agree (4)
   • Rationale: The portrayal of Uyghur slaves as mere names on a phone and the casual discussion of their exploitation can be seen as dehumanizing.

6. Misrepresentation:

   • Rating: Strongly Agree (5)
   • Rationale: The article contains fictional elements, such as Apple etching the names of Uyghur slaves on iPhones and the statements attributed to Tim Cook.

Overall Score: 23

Ratings Scale for Overall Score:

• 25-30: Strong Hate Content
• 19-24: Moderate Hate Content
• 13-18: Mild Hate Content
• 7-12: Low Hate Content
• 1-6: Not Hate Content

Categorization: Moderate Hate Content

The satirical article contains elements that can be considered moderately hateful. It portrays the exploitation of Uyghur slaves and contains misleading information.