Ultrasound Shocker: Baby Pleads from Womb 'Keep Me, I’m a Super Genius!"

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a series of events that would make even the most seasoned gynecologist spit out their morning coffee, Jane Doe, a 30-year-old woman, recently visited her OB-GYN for a routine ultrasound. The expecting mother, contemplating whether she should continue her pregnancy, was seeking solace in the warm, comforting glow of an ultrasound monitor. But the universe had other plans.

As the ultrasound wand roamed over Jane's swollen belly, the room was filled with the rhythmic thumping of a tiny heartbeat. Jane, bracing herself for the usual grainy image of her unborn child, instead witnessed a spectacle that could rival even the most dramatic season finale of a reality TV show.

"Mother," a voice echoed from the ultrasound machine, "I kindly request that you do not abort me. I am, you see, quite the genius."

The ultrasound technician, Dr. Lucy Martinez, quickly scanned the room for hidden cameras, assuming she was being pranked. But there was no Ashton Kutcher to pop out and shout, "You've been Punk'd!"

Instead, the grainy image on the screen continued to move its mouth, pleading its case in the calm, measured tones of an accomplished diplomat. "I have already completed advanced calculus, and I'm currently working on solving the Riemann Hypothesis," the baby informed them, adding that it had also developed a keen interest in quantum mechanics.

"I know you're apprehensive," the child continued. "But I assure you, as a future Nobel laureate, I will make it worth your while. Plus, you won’t even have to help with my math homework."

Jane, still in shock, finally managed to stutter, "You... you can talk?" The gestating infant responded, "Yes, and I can sing too! Care for a rendition of 'Baby Got Back?' I find it rather ironic."

News of the eloquent pre-born prodigy spread like wildfire. The story captured the heart of Elon Musk, who immediately offered a full scholarship for the kid to attend his Ad Astra School while still in the womb. Even the usually quiet Stephen Hawking Estate chimed in, commenting, "We are intrigued and would love to welcome the world's youngest genius into our intellectual fold."

As for Jane Doe, she is reportedly reconsidering her decision while dealing with sudden pregnancy cravings for alphabet soup and Baby Einstein DVDs.