Tech Company's Groundbreaking DEI Strategy: Mandatory Gender Transition to Household Appliances

DENVER, CO — In a groundbreaking move that has left Human Resources departments everywhere in shock, Inclusivitech, a leading tech firm, has unveiled its innovative (and involuntary) solution to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI): mandatory transition. Yes, folks, at Inclusivitech, your job title isn't the only thing changing.

The company declared via a press release embodying the spirit of Brave New World and a Tony Robbins motivational seminar, "For true inclusion, we must eat our own dog food by literally becoming dogs, cats, or whatever, based on an employee's preference. We're not a completely heartless dictatorship." Under this daring new policy, employees are expected to transition to... something else. The details are a bit fuzzy, but what's clear is that Inclusivitech is committed to taking DEI to dizzying new heights.

The CEO, sporting a new vibrant pride-flag-colored hairdo, told reporters, "We've had diversity training, unconscious bias workshops, we've even assigned everyone a 'buddy' from a different culture and species, but it's just not enough. It's time we live the change. Literally."

Workers across the company are scrambling to figure out what they should transition into. Some unimaginative employees, who have a strong (yet misguided) allegiance with the gender binary are taking the easy way out by toggling their "conventional" gender to its opposite. Some are exploring a different religion. One adventurous software engineer has announced his plans to live as a microwave oven for the next six months.

"We're breaking down barriers," the CEO said, confidently. "Why hire diverse people when we can become them?" The move has raised more than a few eyebrows. Critics argue it's a step too far, but Inclusivitech remains undeterred. After all, nothing says 'diversity' like forcing everyone to abandon their personal identities and adopt new ones.

Hats off to Inclusivitech, for boldly going where no company has gone before. The world watches as they (qua/vey/zire/thun?) navigate this brave new world of forced transition. As for the rest of us? We'll be over here, enjoying our popcorn, and waiting to see what comes next. Maybe a company-wide switch to Atlantis citizenship (gill affirming surgery mandatory), or compulsory part-time work as circus clowns? With diversity revolutionaries like Inclusivitech, nothing seems impossible.