GAZA — In the wake of the Holocaust-like October 7th Hamas terrorist attack on Israel, where brutal savages committed unspeakable acts, Hamas is taking a predictably darker turn. Drawing inspiration from their heinous crimes against humanity, Hamas is collaborating with Planned Parenthood to open an…
In light of Dave Chappelle's new job as a self-appointed biased foreign war journalist attacking Israel, it's high time someone called out Dave for his one-sided hateful rhetoric. Since Chappelle seems to lean left, one might expect at least a proportional vitriolic response from him...maybe…
LOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom's decision to fill the late Diane Feinstein’s senate seat with Laphonza Butler, a notably under-qualified candidate in the oppression Olympics, has led Californians to the brink of utter chaos. Butler, a Black, lesbian woman, and well-known “baby killer”…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At an emergency Socialist Democrat meeting addressing migrants, sanctuary cities, and overall homelessness, an unconventional and probably unconstitutional initiative was proposed. Led by Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, with support from other members of the "squad" and even Senator Bernie Sanders, they…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shocked no one by revealing the results of a groundbreaking study: wearing actual clothes instead of a potato sack increases perceived professionalism by 70%. Dr. Carrie Threadmore, the CDC’s rarely-mentioned Director of Fabric and…
SEATTLE, WA — Taking a cue from sexuality expert Deanne Carson’s recent controversial advice on seeking infant consent for diaper changes, tech-savvy and exceedingly conscientious parents are now awaiting digital thumbprint consent from their babies before approaching the changing table. Parents Claudia and Rainbow Spectrum-Bliss,…
Elon Musk reaffirmed his commitment to freedom of speech just 3 DAYS AGO. So WHY is our @JestWire SATIRE account with only 12 followers BANNED on X? At the risk of stating the obvious, I don’t know what’s going on with every part of this…
GREENWICH, CT — A tempestuously tubular evening took an unexpected chromatic twist for the Thompsons, a married couple from the tranquil confines of Wisteria Lane. A lingering domestic disagreement surrounding conjugal duties led to an incident that was anything but domestic or agreeable. Gary Thompson,…
SEATTLE, WA — In an event stranger than science fiction, Hitler, the poster boy for evil, has made a dramatic comeback! Thanks to a group of mad Dr. Frankensteinian scientists (who were clearly scraping the bottom of the 'Ideas for World Domination' barrel), the dictator…
MANHATTAN, NY — At a recent gala fundraiser promoting eco-friendly edible Playbills, NYC Mayor Eric Adams declared that Broadway theaters are the solution to New York City's migrant crisis. “This [migrant] issue will destroy New York City,” Adams stated with fervor. "So why not sing…
