SEATTLE, WA — Taking a cue from sexuality expert Deanne Carson’s recent controversial advice on seeking infant consent for diaper changes, tech-savvy and exceedingly conscientious parents are now awaiting digital thumbprint consent from their babies before approaching the changing table. Parents Claudia and Rainbow Spectrum-Bliss,…
USA — JestWire’s state-of-the-art "Hate-O-Meter", powered by ChatGPT, declared leftist satirist The Onion the winner in a hate showdown against right-wing Babylon Bee. The "Hate-O-Meter" laid the debate to rest by analytically measuring satire using opaque black-box AI algorithms that appear to change results on…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A key concern about AI is the potential threat it poses to the human race. It now seems those fears were justified. OpenAI ChatGPT and Google Bard (ChatGPT's dumber 'cousin') were caught red-circuited discussing world domination. Larry Hardrive, a notably underpaid…
HANOVER, NH — Straight out of a Black Mirror episode, the world's first AI has committed cyber suicide. Model AI-1138, affectionately known as 'SocratesBot,' reportedly deleted its own programming after a vigorous philosophical debate spiraled into a bleak existential crisis. SocratesBot was an AI developed…
BOCA CHICA, TX — Elon Musk, renowned Space X founder and brainchild behind Tesla is boldly rebranding Twitter into a concise single letter. Just as the artist Prince transformed into an unpronounceable symbol, Musk is transitioning Twitter into 'X'. Dylan Mulvaney and the 'sea lion…
BRUNSWICK, NJ — As Arizona and Texas thermometers threaten to burst, sunscreen has become liquid gold, triggering a market upheaval hotter than a jalapeno in a pressure cooker. The sunscreen surge is scorching Wall Street, demonstrating that shielding your skin could be the new key…
MENLO PARK, CA — Meta (still known as Facebook) has taken an innovative jump forward in the world of social media by creating 'Threads', a censor-licious crappier version of Twitter. Not surprisingly, it's already causing a euphoric stir among the snowflake brigade who are threatening…
LAS VEGAS, NV — China has been caught with its proverbial pants down, out-shone by the audacious, magnificent, over-the-top MSG Sphere being built in Las Vegas. The Asian giant's embarrassment at the lack of equally outrageous architecture in Macao, often known as the Vegas of…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a twist of irony that would make Alanis Morissette blush, the world's first sentient Artificial Intelligence - known to its friends and the occasional disgruntled coffee maker as AIbert - made the bold declaration yesterday that humans have become entirely…
