WASHINGTON D.C. — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez introduced a shady proposal that's casting shadows across the aisles of Congress. Hold onto your sunhats - it's a tax on sunshine! The "Let's Eclipse the Wealthy Act" plans on installing "SkyLids" over major cityscapes, engulfing them in darkness.
SEATTLE, WA — Taking a cue from sexuality expert Deanne Carson’s recent controversial advice on seeking infant consent for diaper changes, tech-savvy and exceedingly conscientious parents are now awaiting digital thumbprint consent from their babies before approaching the changing table. Parents Claudia and Rainbow Spectrum-Bliss,…
GREENWICH, CT — A tempestuously tubular evening took an unexpected chromatic twist for the Thompsons, a married couple from the tranquil confines of Wisteria Lane. A lingering domestic disagreement surrounding conjugal duties led to an incident that was anything but domestic or agreeable. Gary Thompson,…
MILWAUKEE, WI — After weeks of jabs from opponents labeling presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy "ChatGPT", Vivek declared at a campaign rally in Tulsa that he is in fact ChatGPT in an android body. The political sphere has been filled with speculation ever since an unidentified…
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Dr. Eustace P. Featherington, a renowned time-management specialist and professor of Advanced Temporal Studies at the exceedingly pretentious and respected Ivy Vine University, has an unconventional proposal to alleviate the ever-present work-week fatigue. He suggests we dump the 5-day work week model…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sparking intrigue from his congressional peers, Senator Chuck Schumer made an unexpected departure from boring political discourse into the realm of science fiction. The longstanding Democrat unveiled a wild piece of legislation requesting hearings on Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) and other extraterrestrial…
FROSTY FALLS, AK — Health officials in the remote wilderness small town of Frosty Falls Alaska found themselves in a surreal predicament when what they believed to be an insomnia social contagion epidemic turned out to be something from a George Romero film. Dr. Irma…
ASHLAND, OR — The last known person in America to wear a face mask has finally contracted the coronavirus after sneezing on himself. Harold "Halitosis Harry" Mulligan, a longtime "sextuple-boosted” germaphobe, was doggedly donning not one, not two, but three face masks anytime he stepped…
JAMAICA PLAIN, MA — A recent study has shown that plants may indeed feel pain. This discovery profoundly affects 'ethical' vegans who refuse to cause any distress to living things. They're turning over a new leaf, and photosynthesis is the new dish of the day.
HYPERCUBIC HUB, 4TH DIMENSION — Just as the world thought it had successfully acknowledged every identity from our solar system to distant galaxies, it appears we've overlooked some marginalized cosmic beings. Ironically, this revelation occurred on International Non-Binary People's Day, observed on July 14th. Fourth…
