LOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom's decision to fill the late Diane Feinstein’s senate seat with Laphonza Butler, a notably under-qualified candidate in the oppression Olympics, has led Californians to the brink of utter chaos. Butler, a Black, lesbian woman, and well-known “baby killer”…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — At an emergency Socialist Democrat meeting addressing migrants, sanctuary cities, and overall homelessness, an unconventional and probably unconstitutional initiative was proposed. Led by Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, with support from other members of the "squad" and even Senator Bernie Sanders, they…
SEATTLE, WA — In an event stranger than science fiction, Hitler, the poster boy for evil, has made a dramatic comeback! Thanks to a group of mad Dr. Frankensteinian scientists (who were clearly scraping the bottom of the 'Ideas for World Domination' barrel), the dictator…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pew Research Center recently released the results of an unparalleled study that surveyed 5,000 women contemplating the idea of abortion. In a mind-blowing revelation, 99.99% conceded that they were quite pleased that their own mothers didn't abort them. The study, aptly…
GLENDALE, CA — Notorious pervert Sonny Sniffton once again received a mere tap on the nose after his 40th arrest for sniffing women without consent: community service at a women's shelter. When interviewed about how he avoids justice (like a long prison sentence with a…
LOS ANGLES, CA — Following a series of flash mob thefts plaguing the City of Angels, Mayor Karen “Huggins” Bass announced her novel solution: “Criminals, Cookies, and Cuddles”. Instead of arraignment, a thief will be ushered directly to Huggins for snack time, a hug, and…
OTTAWA, CANADA — Known for its commitment to personal autonomy, Canada has leaped off the cliff of assisted suicide to the precipice of self-disassembly. In what can only be described as "cutting-edge" policy, Canada's newly announced "One Slice at a Time" plan (which sounds like…
LOS ANGELES, CA — As thermometers burst across the US, the scorching heat seems to have 'solved' homelessness in America's hottest and leftist cities. There are widespread reports that the homeless are "melting faster than ice cream in a microwave." Los Angeles boutique kale juice…
BOCA CHICA, TX — In a move that surprised everyone, Elon Musk rebranded Twitter to 'X' and updated its' tagline from 'Let's Talk' to 'Blaze Your Glory'. For many, the new slogan seemed religious. In fact, Musk revealed today that 'X' will be the social…
AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS — Famed singer Lizzo, known for fat positivity anthems embracing her obesity, took her love for bananas in an unexpected direction. Her backup dancers accused her of forcing them to participate in lewd acts with the elongated yellow fruit. According to a lawsuit…
