ATLANTA, GA – In an absurd twist of fate, a dyslexic man seeking an outlet for his frustration inadvertently traded the underground thrill of 'Fight Club' for the skyward adventures of a 'Flight Club.' Meet Terrel Adeyemi, a quick-tempered yet hard-working individual whose dyslexia led him…
ST. LOUIS, MO — As paraphrased by the great modern philosopher Justin Bieber, “Sometimes it's too late to say sorry”. Or, maybe not. Beer titan Anheuser-Busch (AB) finally conceded that the 'customer is always right'. After losing tens of billions of dollars in value after…
ELIZABETHTOWN, NJ — In an incident that has left onlookers bemused and befuddled, a routine car wash turned into the stage for a debate on racial identity and car cleanliness. At the heart of this soapy saga is Montgomery “Jamal” Jones, a transracial individual who,…
MENLO PARK, CA — Meta (still known as Facebook) has taken an innovative jump forward in the world of social media by creating 'Threads', a censor-licious crappier version of Twitter. Not surprisingly, it's already causing a euphoric stir among the snowflake brigade who are threatening…
DENVER, CO — In a groundbreaking move that has left Human Resources departments everywhere in shock, Inclusivitech, a leading tech firm, has unveiled its innovative (and involuntary) solution to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI): mandatory transition. Yes, folks, at Inclusivitech, your job title isn't the…
U.S. — The United States Geological Survey (USGS) has uncovered that nearly half of America's tap water is a superhero potion (in the spirit of the "Toxic Avenger") brimming with per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS). Those chemicals, most commonly found decorating our non-stick cookware and…
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Last Thursday, in an unprecedented display of justice, the Supreme Court ruled against the controversial affirmative action policy in university admissions, leading to an unexpected cascade of events. Pharmaceutical giants, traditionally comfortable with the complacent pace of Harvard research, are now drowning…
ANAHEIM, CA — In a plot twist more dizzying than the teacup ride at Disneyland, and more confusing than Rapunzel's hair care routine, the formerly magical kingdom of Disney has decided to swap their tiara-topped princesses for pander-unbearable mascots. Disney is shape-shifting from a world…
ANAHEIM, CA — Disney, the stalwart symbol of childhood innocence and wholesome family values, has recently embraced a radically inclusive new identity strategy that makes subtextual lesbian plot twists in Frozen look tame. With its amusement parks transforming into body-positive nudist resorts, its cartoon characters breaking…
MENLO PARK, CA — In an absurd twist to perennial tech industry face-offs, Twitter CEO, Elon Musk, widely known for his off-the-cuff tweets and mad-scientist vibe, and Meta boss Mark Zuckerberg, part-time robot and newly minted martial arts enthusiast, were set to settle their corporate…
