Taco Bell Offers Lifetime Tacos for 'Live Más' Hot-iron Forehead Branding

IRVINE, CA — Fast-food giant Taco Bell is taking a sizzling approach to marketing in the fast-food industry. The "Branded for Burritos" promo offers Taco Bell's most loyal customers free tacos for life, but only if they agree to be hot-iron branded with Taco Bell's slogan, 'Live Más' on their foreheads.

The controversial 'brand' campaign began yesterday amidst a backdrop of Subway promising free sandwiches for life to customers willing to legally change their names to Subway.

As strange as it may seem, Taco Bell and Subway are not the first to promote themselves via extreme acts of customer devotion. In 2018, Domino's Pizza in Russia invited customers to tattoo the Domino's logo on their bodies in exchange for a century's worth of pizza. In another instance, a woman tattooed a gambling website logo across her face for $10,000. 

Javier Frijoles, CEO of Taco Bell declared, "In a world where changing names and body ink are rewarded with cash and a lifetime of free food, we're cranking up the heat. 'Branded for Burritos' allows fans to literally express their searing love for Taco Bell."

Bubba Gonzales, a die-hard Taco Bell aficionado, was the first brave soul to embrace the red-hot 'poker' challenge. With the 'Live Más' brand still fresh and steaming on his forehead, Gonzales admitted, "I've been in hotter situations, but nothing quite as crispy!"

Critics voiced concerns about the new initiative. Dermatologist Dr. Wallace Skinner, while impressed by the audacious marketing, flagged potential health implications. "The pain and risks associated with branding are significant," he warned. "Not to mention the inevitable side effect of customers smelling like barbecue."

Meanwhile, competitor Chipotle seems to be raising the stakes. Unconfirmed rumors hint at an unlimited supply of free guacamole for anyone daring enough to replace their eyebrows with surgically grafted black beans.

In a world where it's hard to get noticed, one wonders what marketing execs have cooked up next. A KFC fan replacing their blood with gravy?

Free stuff will continue to be offered as long as people will do anything to get it. But, that all depends on the definition of the word 'free'.