Woke Warrior Gifts Home to Native Activists: Ends Up Living in Teepee, then Gets Teepee-jacked
ABERDEEN, SD — Local activist, Susan ‘Save-the-Earth’ Greenberg, recently found herself on a spiraling ride down the rabbit hole of cultural reparations. The bizarre tale is a twist of fate that could only be described as ‘woke karma,’
Susan, known in her community for her relentless pursuit of social justice and the occasional vegan potluck, championed a protest against constructing a new casino on land claimed to be stolen from Native Americans. The battle cry of the protest? "This Land Was Their Land!" Little did Susan know, the war drum she so fervently banged echoed with a note of sweet irony.
In the midst of her fiery protest, local respected indigenous historian and advocate, Professor Hawthorn Greenleaf, pointed out the inconvenient truth that Susan’s own cozy bungalow was, in fact, built on land once belonging to the same tribe. The revelation struck Susan like a bolt of organic, fair-trade lightning. With a gasp, she was caught in a web of her own weaving.
Determined to save face and outdo her own wokeness and virtue signaling, Susan did the unthinkable. She gifted her comfortable suburban home to a group of third-generation one-quarter Native American activists, who, thrilled with the unexpected windfall, immediately converted the suburban abode into a thriving liquor store, aptly named 'Susan's Spirits.'
Undeterred, our plucky protagonist moved into a makeshift teepee set up in the alley behind her former home. There, amidst the scent of wet cardboard, bodily waste, and the occasional stray cat, Susan embarked on her journey of 'immersive reparations' and 'stochastic atonement'.
However, the spirits of irony weren’t done with her yet. Returning from a local grocery store trip one day (where she had gone to procure her organic, cruelty-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, happiness-free groceries), she found her teepee inhabited by urban Fentanyl-loving squatters. Despite her pleas and the offer of a gluten-free peace cookie, the squatters refused to vacate, leaving our activist out in the cold, literally and figuratively.
Susan’s rollercoaster ride into the world of wokeness is a cautionary tale to all. It's easy to beat the drum of social justice, as long as you're sure it's not echoing back from your own backyard.
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