Un-bear-lievable: Striking Hollywood Actors Caught Moonlighting as Bears in Chinese Zoo

BEIJING, CHINA — Hollywood celebrities on-strike were exposed
crossing the picket line paid to pose
as bears in a Beijing China zoo
wearing bear costumes biting bamboo.

"We had to be discreet," stammered soap star and beloved panda Paul Patterson during a TMZ ambush interview inside the bear enclosure. "The Screen Actors Guild didn't want us crossing the line, but an artist shouldn't literally have to starve. Although I expected to be paid in bucks not bamboo shoots."

What started as a fight for higher pay and concerns AI will replace human actors has turned into a grizzly scandal.

SAG president Fran Drescher, now known among her zoo fans as "Fur-an", chimed in: "We thought we had the perfect cover! Who would have the chutzpah to look for us in a Chinese zoo? Plus, the all-you-can-eat fish buffet is geshmak."

The deception was laid bare on social media with pictures of bears standing a little too upright and their fur crinkled like a costume from a cheap horror flick.

The clincher was when one of the 'bears' blurted at a boy throwing rocks at him. "Hey, kid! This ain't the movies. Those rocks hurt!"

Casting agents for the upcoming production of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" were delighted with the news. "It's fantastic! Who needs CGI when actors are transitioning into bears?!"

The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) couldn't resist commenting on the failed negotiations: "We offered them over a billion dollars in wage increases, but it seems they prefer honey-glazed sardines."

If you can't find your favorite actor on the silver screen, you might just catch them at your local zoo. But don't throw rocks, you might get an expletive-filled earful in return.