DENVER, CO — In a groundbreaking move that has left Human Resources departments everywhere in shock, Inclusivitech, a leading tech firm, has unveiled its innovative (and involuntary) solution to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI): mandatory transition. Yes, folks, at Inclusivitech, your job title isn't the…
PORTLAND, OR — A new study is turning conventional fears on their heads. In a seismic shake-up to social norms, a recent report suggests that men, traditionally the pillar of stoicism and courage, are quivering in their booties at the thought of being assaulted by…
ANAHEIM, CA — In a plot twist more dizzying than the teacup ride at Disneyland, and more confusing than Rapunzel's hair care routine, the formerly magical kingdom of Disney has decided to swap their tiara-topped princesses for pander-unbearable mascots. Disney is shape-shifting from a world…
ANAHEIM, CA — Disney, the stalwart symbol of childhood innocence and wholesome family values, has recently embraced a radically inclusive new identity strategy that makes subtextual lesbian plot twists in Frozen look tame. With its amusement parks transforming into body-positive nudist resorts, its cartoon characters breaking…
NEW YORK, NY — Subscribers of the most recent Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition are still feeling discombobulated with their latest cover model, the narcissistically audacious "trans woman", Bella ‘Stiff n’ Ready’ Buxom. However, a surprising side effect of Bella's debut has been the wave of…
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Following an unexpected loss in market value due to decisions to promote transgenderism and woke culture, Bud Light and Target are now embarking on an unorthodox strategy to win back conservative customers. They're taking a lesson from math class and betting big…
