Radical Proposal: Replace 40-hour Work Week With One "Men In Black" Inspired 37-Hour Day
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Dr. Eustace P. Featherington, a renowned time-management specialist and professor of Advanced Temporal Studies at the exceedingly pretentious and respected Ivy Vine University, has an unconventional proposal to alleviate the ever-present work-week fatigue.
He suggests we dump the 5-day work week model and instead adopt Centurion Time from the sci-fi film "Men in Black." In this proposed model, employees would complete their entire work week in one nonstop, no-breaks, 37-hour shift.
"Look, we all complain about not having enough time," said Dr. Featherington, as he adjusted his mustache. "Why not make our days longer?"
The Ivy Vine University professor elaborated, "According to Centurion Time, a day lasts 37 hours. By working nonstop for one whole 'day,' we could easily complete the traditional 40-hour work week and still have 3 hours left for…whatever it is workers do in their spare time."
In Featherington's world, weekends would be transformed into week-longs. The professor waxed poetic on the various benefits of this scheme. "Imagine the endless possibilities! You could take an actual trip around the world or start that novel you've been talking about for years," he enthused.
When questioned about the physiological impossibility of staying awake for 37 hours straight, the professor was undeterred. He proclaimed, "We can train our bodies! Look at college students during finals week or parents with a newborn. They are basically living in Centurion Time!"
Dr. Featherington's proposal has already sparked debate. Disgruntled employees inspired by the potential of a six-day weekend are in favor. Meanwhile, sleep experts are rolling their eyes so hard that they might be permanently stuck in REM.
As we wait for this radical concept to gain traction, it's safe to say that our perceptions of time might be on the verge of a paradigm shift. In the words of the ever-quotable Dr. Featherington, "Time waits for no man, but perhaps man can wait for a 37-hour day!"
