Kamala Harris Dumber than a Dolphin

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what can only be described as another Kamalama-Ding-Dong moment, Vice President Kamala Harris went full Dr. Seuss as the keynote speaker at the recent Crustacean Conservation Conference sponsored by Red Lobster.

Harris strutted to the podium, maniacally cackling as a bewildered audience fixed their eyes on her. She then spewed an incoherent excessive-syllabled-haiku about nothing. "Fish, you see, are in fishbowls. But sometimes, fish are not in fishbowls. And sometimes, fishbowls don't have fish!"

Harris' gibberish came on the heels of her "community banks are in the community" statement that left everyone dumber after hearing it.

Some say Harris is making an effort to be whimsical instead of witchy – combining Seussian flair with Bozo the Clown diplomacy. Perhaps she's auditioning for White House court jester after Biden (or whoever is pulling the strings) kicks her to the curb.

One anonymous attendee quipped, "She's gotta stop eating green eggs and ham for breakfast!"

Dr. Terry McFinnigan, marine biologist and President of the National Oceanographic Society, attempted to distance himself from the VP. "I'm not quite sure what she's on. Maybe she licked a Sonoran toad? I'm only a dolphin psychologist but it seems to me that our vice president lowers the IQ of everyone around her."

Harris concluded her remarks while smiling at Michelle Obama, one of the honorees on the dais. "If a fish can thrive in a bowl, so can America in the global ocean. We just need to ensure that we are not like an octopus with its testicles entangled in everyone's business."

Wise words. For America and Michael Obama.