Future Headline: 104-Year-Old Trump Faces 1273rd Trial
PALM BEACH, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump once again graced a courtroom at 104 years of age. He wheeled into court sporting his iconic "Indictment 1000" tie that's been flying off shelves faster than Elon Musk tickets to Mars.
Some pundits stated that 2050 has been Trump's most challenging year yet, comparing it to a neverending legal version of Whack-A-Mole.
It was clear the latest proceedings were also a sham when the judge proclaimed "Court is in order…and who wants to buy an 'I Survived the Trump Trials' t-shirt? Half-off!"
As usual, the prosecution's list of charges was wildly ludicrous, alleging Trump improperly disposed of adult diapers (which Trump bigly denies wearing) and was a public nuisance by riding his wheelchair too fast.
Starting with Trump's first indictment in 2023 it was unclear how charges against Trump were determined. The truth was finally exposed. In a move that sent shockwaves throughout the entire judicial system, the prosecution introduced a surprise witness: a Magic 8-Ball.
"M8 constantly finds new charges against Trump and predicts chances of acquittal," the prosecutor brazenly confessed as he vigorously shook the black orb. "With Trump heading to 105, we have no fear revealing the extent of our misconduct and corruption."
Trump maintained a composed demeanor as trial #1273 proceeded, grinning broader than ever -- perhaps relishing that those gutless prosecutorial weasels are somewhat responsible for him being alive as a centenarian.
For many, the stress of endless prosecution would send them to an early grave. Not Trump. He thrives on conflict and these clowns are just feeding him his next meal.
